Foo Funikuyrk Friday!

[katiesaysmoo]

(yes, i am making up words)

Nicole: welcome back! I am glad that you're doing well, that's really all that matters! stick around a while, my dear.

Dani: YAYAYAYAY!!! YOU ROCK! congrats so much, you definitely deserve all that's coming at you!

Shannon: i'm glad that you love your therapist... and haha, i think celebrity babies sounds much better than studying...

Leila: wow, that's actually really obnoxious of those girls... i was always taught that you should always order something at a restaurant. and sorry about the period! birth control is so annoying.

Stacy: you better be taking a nice relaxing weekend! you deserve it... and wine, mmm....

Lynne: mmm, cake. what kind is it? thanks for all the songs.. i hope that you didn't drown in ready.

Kerry: how's the gross weather treating you?

Megan: come back!

oy, i kept getting woken up last night... first by some very loud boxsprings upstairs (eww, gross), and then by some kids smoking on the porch next door talking about how many freshmen they've gotten to sleep with them. double gross.

i celebrated last night by being a huge lazy bum. it was nice, except i hate taking naps, they just make me more tired. definitely not cool.

i don't have class today and i don't feel like going into work, so i'm just going to clean and organize (i become a monster when i have stuff like applications, finals, etc.), and then hit up the gym. tonight is my friend's birthday, so they're having a party. i'm not really the whole drinking think, but i have to go.

[sweetznut]

Katie- I wrote on ur facebook how we are pretty much the same person musically! =) That sounds like a good day. I want your day!!

So tonight I have my formal...I'm totally NOT in the mood for it. bah, o well. Last night at midnight I called my parents in tears...so it looks like I'm going to be going home this weekend.

le sigh.

love u girls

[kerrylynne]

nicole's back!! woo hoo!!!!! glad you're doing so well! you should be really proud of yourself!!

katie- i hate not getting enough sleep! hope you have fun today. i am also being incredibly lazy!

lynne- aww i feel you on not being in the mood. i was soooooo not in the mood to go to my senior prom! haha everyone kept asking me if was excited and i would just glare at them. i hope you do end up having fun though!!! have a nice weekend at home!

so tomorrow night i have to do inventory until 3 am. not cool. at 3 am i want to be in BED not counting thousands of shirts! and i still have no motivation for schoolwork! seriously-what's wrong with me?

have a great day everyone!

[jamezz]

Hi guys,
Nicole, it's good to have you back! As Katie put it, stick around! I'm really glad to hear you're doing well (but it's ok to be here even if you aren't; we are here for you).

Katie- I'm not in on the drinking scene at all here! I stopped drinking in July... I figured I had spent enough time lying on the bathroom floor next to the toilet! Too bad we're at that age when suddenly everyone wants to make a weekend out of it just bc they legally can now.

Kerry- Ugh, motivation. I need it too right now. I keep telling myself, keep going, one more semester down means you're that much closer. Do u live on campus? I always found the library to be helpful when I lived close. Good luck with inventory! Yikes, that is one thing I do not miss.

Lynne- That's good you live close to home and that it makes you feel better to be able to go there. I'm sorry tonight doesn't sound appealing. Are you at least going with a big group of friends?

I'm starting my mountain of homework. I have no life, lol, but I feel like isolating anyway. My best friend and I hang out a few times a week but other than that, nothing sounds appealing. My mom and sister are going to the mall and I just don't want to go and have to see a bunch of women who are going through what I did. I'm still a bit jealous that they can have it when I cannot, and then I pass negative judgement on how I automatically feel that way and then I just feel crappier. And Fashion Valley Mall is, well, not always frequented by the healthiest bunch at this time of day. So I'm thinking hanging out in my hole (my desk in my room) sounds much better right now.

[tileki]

Lynn - boooo, no tears! Enjoy the formal - what does your dress look like?

Nicole - what made you decide to go vegan, rather than just vegetarian? I don't think I could be vegan...I like cheese too much, lol. That must be difficult in the school cafeteria! Glad to see you back!

Katie - hi! haha, double gross. Have fun tonight.

Kerry - inventory blows! Do you at least get fed while you are there...anything to make it worth while?

Dani - congrats on the grad school interview! Good luck. you know your stuff, so you don't need to stress!

Last night I went to this info session on the Masters in Teaching program I am interested in. It sounds so great, and also so intense. It is 14 months - intensive - 57 credits! So I wouldn't be able to work at all. And I would be student teaching at the same time. But the nice thing is I would come out high on the pay scale because I would have my masters and my teaching certification. And about 3 credits shy of the next pay jump. Plus they have an 87% placement rate in state (the rest are out of state or overseas), so that is great. And they are sooo willing to work with you. Like if I wanted to do secondary and I needed a few classes to be ready for it I could take them for free at their undergrad. So I talked to them about waiting until next summer (09) to apply and they think that is a good plan considering everything that is going on in my life right now.

Hmm...don't wanna work.

Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama are coming into town today. I wanted Barak to be here, but I guess Seattle is more important (like it always is). So Michelle is speaking in the theater across the street from my work, so I am going to go listen. Can't make it to both since they are scheduled at the same time. I think that is really lame, but whatever. I guess it is a "political move" - Hillary didn't announce she was coming until after Michelle did and then she waited until Michelle announed the time before she chose her time. Lame.

[tileki]

jamie - eww the girls that hang out at fashion valley make me sick. good choice not going!

[principesask8r]

Nicole- yay be proud of yourself! That’s a HUGE accomplishment. OOOOO I cant wait to see you at my break. Hugs girly!

Katie- lol ok so I think abbies are ugly, but some of those celebrity babies are adorable! Oh man cleaning is so hard for me. Like I want to but then I see my schoolwork sitting there. I did manage to clean some this week since one of ur classes was canceled. Have fun at the party tonight!

Lynne- what would make you feel better? Being at home or being there? Also try to think about why you are unhappy, and come up with several ways you can change that that don’t include dieting and losing weight. That’s what I had to do and its really been helping

Jamie- aww you sound really down, I am sorry. Homework isn’t much fun. I took mine to the gym today and memorized the DSM stuff for schizophrenia and the schizophrenic personality disorders. Now I just want to go dance likehiphop for some odd reason. I am wearing my beanie around and I am in my baggy pants. I think watching Randy Jackson’s dance show last night did it to me.

Leila- That program sounds like a really good choice! Lol it sounds like what I have to do with the intensity. If you enjoy it then the intensity isn’t so bad. Plus it’s a lot of different things so it isn’t like you just end up reading books and studying for tests. Grad school is so beyond that.I think you would make an excellent teacher. What age group would you want to work with.

Ahhhhh homework. I really really don’t want to write one of my papers. Every time I sit down to do it I find something else to do. Its over a psychoanalytic thing, and I am so tired of hearing about phsychanalysis. I really really really can’t wait to take cognitive as my elective this summer to get a break from Freud for a while

[kerrylynne]

jamie- don't worry, i don't have a life either haha. i go to school, i work, i go to schoool, i work, and...yeah that's it. i do live on campus, but i usually come home on weekends to work. haha yesterday i went to the library to do research..and before i knew it 3 hrs had passed! but my attention span is usually not that long! usually after like 20 minutes i need a facebook break

leila- wow that program sounds great! super intense, but great! that's so stupid that they schedule them at the same time! what if someone is undecided and wants to hear both?!

i went to target today but as soon as i got there they said their registers were down so they could only do cash purchases under like $20. grrr oh well, it's not like i should really be shopping anyways! okay, i'm seriously doing homework now!

[ssnow1]

Hey girls,
Sorry I'm late today. Super crazy day at work. Beyond stressful but at least it's the weekend. I'm waiting for my dad. I'm almost nervous to see him. Weird. I guess it can be expect though.

Jamie- That mall is super nice isn't it? I think I remember that. I could never live in CA just for the fakeness of the girls. It's insane to me and just not worth it. I would have no friends! Have you met any decent girls at school?

Leila- That program sounds great. How exciting! Charles is taking his GRE this summer. I love looking into programs/schools for him. I'm excited for you.

Dani- I actually kinda like the pool. I've been doing the jogging with my Ipod on so it's not that bad. THen I swim afterwards. Swimming for some reason really makes me feel like an athlete since not everyone can actually swim. Plus Charles is a fish so I just try to keep up. HOnestly, knowing that he's going to come back and put me through some hellish workouts makes me want to work harder. Have you ever done Crossfit? You should check it out. It's intense but awesome. You'd love it. Congrats on the interview. I would definitely go with a plain black suit pants or skirt depending on what looks better on you. Just simple and classy always works best.

[jamezz]

Shannon- yeah, I've been really down today, which I don't get because I exercised this week, ate fine, and slept. My theory isn't working, dangit! Hmm, what would Freud have to say about that, lol?

Kerry- Target is the devil's spawn, i swear. I can walk in for one thing and come out with three brimming bags full of products whose containers are the reason for global warming. Yikes!

Stacy- good luck with your dad! Mine is a tricky one, so I have no proper advice without knowing your relationship. But I hope things turn out to be pleasant!

So I ended up in tears while talking to my mom this morning. I've been really hopeless and down lately but of course I try to convince myself it is bc of my body. So what comes out of my mouth is, Mom, I'm fat now <burst into tears here>. Sigh. And she goes, Jamie, I really think that you are not fat. And I said I am so frustrated because if a normal person ("normal" meaning a person who hasn't spent a quarter of her life abusing her body, lol) did what I was doing they would actually gradually lose weight, but I just keep getting bigger, I don't even stay even! I'm out of control and hopeless! And my mom says, well, Jamie, I think all the gum, diet soda, and splenda are doing weird things to your body. I'm starting to wonder if my mom is right. I consume obscene amts. of all three every day and it has worried me for a long time but I do it for the same reason someone would smoke or something. It calms me and somehow I feel safe. They are e.d. related and get worse when I'm feeling extra anxious. (I chew at least 10 packs of gum a week, up to 30 on a really bad one, I drink 5-10 diet sodas a day, and use 40 packets of splenda a day, 25 on my morning cereal alone). Does anyone know anything about such theories? I ask here because I know you all are pretty health-minded to say the least, and a lot of you guys are in the nutrition fields and such.

[tileki]

jamie - i don't know much, but yes, I think all that splenda and artificial sweetener is harming your body a lot. Try to gradually back off. It makes you crave more and crave sugar...and I'm sure it will cause damage. Those are massive amounts. Talk to your doc to see what he/she says.

I missed obama today, boo! the line was too long and I didn't get in. oh well. such is life

[emily]

Jamie - hi! Also, keep in mind that even though diet soda doesn't have sugar, it still has caffeine. If you're drinking 5-10 every day, that's definitely enough caffeine (not to mention all the chemicals) to contribute to your anxiety.

[principesask8r]

Stacey- has your relationship with your dad always been off? I mean you just said you are nervous, and I know a lot of us have issues with parents. anyway, no matter what it has been in the past I hope you are having fun with him!

Jamie- oh man, the splenda, gum, soda, total ED stuff. I do it too. Dont let your self feel overwhelmed by that stuff though. Take it one day at a time and try to reduce it. I found if I tried to just cut it out compeltely it would create a binge. It isn't all or nothing in the road to recovery. Its about making changes and allowing yourself to go in the way that is one you can handle. As for being happy, maybe you dont like your workout as much? Maybe the not being social? Or it could even be giving up the ED is just allowing you to be more aware of your feelings. Freud would say its unconcious and to pay attention to your dreams lol. Not sure how much that will help though. I say journal. Free associate be brutally honest with yourself. Allow yourself to explore when the feelings of being unhappy are the strongest. Is it a certain situation? Hugs, I am there with you. The reducing splenda diet soda thing is part of my new years resolution lol

[doodydanidoops]

Jaime-check facebook, but I also wanted to say something about the fact that you can gain weight on low levels of calories—that’s another big symptom of giving your body the signals that “calories are limited, to be savored, saved, and stored.” As long as you continue to give your body less than it WOULD USE IF WORKING NORMALLY—burning as it should—[aka even if it’s twice as much as in worst ED] it will continue to take the signals that it better spare calories, and also more likely store fat instead of muscle [takes less calories].
This “calorie savoring” mode also contributes to more mental anxiety and also obsession—like eating matters when it should, even if eating is a guilty thing, you want to enjoy every bite, only eat what’s worth it, make it last, etc.

But seriously, you can totally reverse that by sending the signals that calories are NOT the forbidden treasure, something sacred, something to be hoarded.
As you send the signals to your body that it will consistently get not just more than it did, but truly enough to work at it’s best, it will do that—use the cals, stop making the most of every calorie, and also you will find that eating/calories is less of a big deal.
In exchange, you’ll find other stuff start to be more interesting and matter to you, and feel more time and passion and energy [in addition to less caring, anxiety, and love/hate feelings about eating].

And as I’ve talked about from Lynne—this is from someone who could once gain on 1800 cals, who now loses if I “only get 3000.”
And it’s not just me—I’ve now seen this happen on a number of levels.
I’m not saying for you to count calories or eat 4000 or something—just saying that it IS possible—you don’t HAVE to be stuck living your life on a diet.
You CAN be one of those people who can eat those foods that are totally off limits as though they had no calories at all and not care so much…and you don’t have to “accept being fat” to get there!
It does take a lot of bruting out the ED forces though, because you have to PRACTICE reversing the mindset that “less is better” so you can give your body those signals that it has those “overboard, empty, etc.” foods coming in and not just the bare minimum or even just “better” but still in that restricted mode.
If you decide you want to get your body and mind back to working with the best it can be, and determine to teach it to do that, it really can happen! You don’t have to be stuck there.

[doodydanidoops]

Also, thanks for all the congrats everyone, but I haven't actually gotten in--just an interview.
It just feel so weird that they'd even be interested...