Looking From the Outside

[Nicole]

have you ever seen a girl who clearly looks like she has an ED? not one of those girls who is just really skinny, but one who is about to like, break in half because she's so thin.

how did that make you feel?

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this morning, right now in fact, a girl came to breakfast in the cafeteria who was clearly on the edge of breaking in half. she's so thin she doesn't even seem to have a body, just a series of angles that compose her form. she got a waffle with a huge amount of topping on it, and a plate of fruit, and a plate of potatoes i think it was. she sat down and started picking at the fruit, laughing and joking with the people around her. she sipped at her coffee, licked her fork where it was covered with some waffle topping, and ate a few potatoes. and then, she went and got a to-go box and started putting food inside. every so often, she stops and takes a bite of fruit. she's still sitting there, nibbling at her fruit, talking to people...yet her waffle still stands uneaten.

how does that make me feel?

at first it made me feel inadequate...a failure cause then i'm not doing the same. but then, i thought, do i want to walk into the cafeteria and have someone look at me and feel sorry for me? no.

the song "Walk On" just came on. i will

i ate the rest of my oatmeal, and drank the rest of my milk.

[Alyssa]

Good for you, Nicole, to realize that you don't want to sink to that "level" -- I certainly wouldn't want people looking at me and wondering what's going on. I would've noticed the same thing, too, and I'm sure I would've stared at that girl--inconspicuously, of course, and with the utmost sympathy. Actually, there's this one really anorexic-looking girl (I think she's a freshman) who I keep seeing around. I've seen her eat, and I once saw her with a bowl of ice cream -- but, then again, I've never seen her EAT, per se. And she's tall too, so it looks even more unnatural for her to be that thin. I mean, now I realize that I certainly don't want to head in that direction!

[Stephani]

I think I mentioned before that I saw a deathly thin girl on vacation a while back. She was the thinnest person I have ever seen in person, and I know several people who have had ana. She was the cashier at a restaurant where you go up to a counter and order. She was so thin that I had a hard time looking her in the face while I placed my order. I was afraid I would stare at her or make a weird face that would give away my horror at how frail and ill she looked. I ate well at that meal because felt so sad for her, and I realized that I didn't want to look like her, ever.